So many super celebrities are in the news these days. How we revere their good deeds and sacrifices. Once upon a time actresses were glorified casting couch cast offs (or much worse, my mother would say). Today these leading ladies lead by example and the whole world follows their every move. Or do we?
Three of these gorgeous, talented and super rich women are at the top of the fold, making headlines with their every move. Let's take a look at them and what I believe is their common denominator, shall we?
Gwyneth Paltrow. The most beautiful and reviled celebrity in the world. How can one woman be both? She is stunningly beautiful but has the unique habit of sticking her Manolo'd foot in her mouth, when she does not have her one cigarette a week in it. Her blog, GOOP (how one pronounces her initials), has very useful information like what to wear to a Polo Match, gazpacho your kids will love more than chicken fingers and which $2000 cashmere throw you should buy for your track home in middle America. GOOP (the woman) recently attended a costume museum extravaganza and proclaimed it "hot and too crowded." Poor Gwynie, subjected to climate control with the 1% of the 1%. The backlash against her let-them-eat-cake remarks has forced her (read: publicist) to issue a statement saying how fun the event was and she can't wait until next year and please demi-Goddess Anna Wintour don't hate me. GOOP also won't be photographed with her musician spouse Chris Martin because they consider that work. I am so tired when I think about everything GOOP has to do to remain relevant I have to take a nap.
Jennifer Anniston. The woman who launched a thousand bad haircuts remains on every magazine cover for the being the most beautiful pathetic thing on earth. Can this woman do nothing right? She has made a gazillion dollars for making us believe that Ross was more than a Friend. Are you kidding? That nerd wouldn't have a chance with Jenn. This woman, of the rocking body, megawatt smile and who-could-hate-her attitude is truly America's sweetheart. So why can't she keep a guy and have a baby? Did I just say that? She doesn't need either! So why is it true? Jenn's problem number one is that she never denies needing either. Her publicist has convinced her that to stay relevant she has to be a victim and remain martyred. "Poor Jenn, her uterus is barren and no man will love her." Really? Listen honey, you are rich, beautiful and can smoke more than one cigarette a week unlike poor GOOP. This week, Jenn was photoed taking her fiance to Barney's for bathing suit shopping and lunch. WTF?! No guy does that ever unless her breaks up over the Cobb Salad.
Angelina Jolie. Are there any faults she doesn't have? Philanthropist, humanitarian, adoptive mother, gorgeous. Now she has revealed a preventative double mastectomy. I mean, can she do no wrong? Well AJ has done a fantastic job of turning her once um, well, STRANGE self into a polished, sleek everywoman. May I refresh your memory? Married her first husband in rubber pants and a t shirt with her blood on it. Spent three days in a psych ward before marrying Billy Bob Thorton. Had a long relationship with a woman, whom she carried on a BDSM relationship. Wore a vial of blood around her neck. French kissed her brother on TV. Hired a hit man to kill her. Right, yes, check. So now AJ, who claims she has no publicist, is planning her mega wedding and summer camp choices for her six kids.
What possibly could these women need? They have the fame, money and looks we mortals only have in our dreams. Maybe they need love? The love of a good partner, father, and friend.
Oh and don't cha know they did/do. All three of them! And it's the same MAN. Brad Pitt! He's the common denominator. The man they have all shacked up with. He is 1-3 in this three-way sandwich. Brad was engaged to GOOP. He married Jenn. He has the kids he was supposed to have with Jenn with AG. He cheated on Jenn with AG. He had the same hair color/cut as GOOP. Cute, daft, stoner Brad Pitt. This guy. I mean, he is cute but all three women?
I think Brad needs a blog called BOOP where he can take us through his lives as the world's most expensive eye candy. I'd buy a $2000 cashmere throw for that.
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