Been A Long Time (cue the Led Zepplin)

Where have I been, you say? You're so funny, what happened to your blog?

Well for one thing, I've been busy with the following:

Finding my perfect red lipstick.

Growing out the Keratin.

Looking up old friends on Facebook and deciding if I look old.

That took six months.

Then I had a LOT of ideas for blogs. Ideas I thought very funny. But when I ran these funny ideas by my confused Cuban/Puerto Rican husband, he gave me that "umyeahfunnybutoffensive" look. So here are some of those ideas just to give you a sample:

Baby stroller parking should be eliminated as having a baby is not a handicap but a choice.

If we give exile status to Venezuelans why can't Middle Easterners be granted it, too.

Protestants, we really shouldn't be commenting on the Pope, ok? We SPLIT from them.

Nick Saban is the antiChrist and therefore my Lord and Savior.

That took another six months.

Some exciting things took up my time and therefore kept me from my blog;

I eat all the carbohydrates I want because I gave up alcohol and amazingly stuffing my face with bread, candy, pasta, potatoes and almond croissants have helped me lose five pounds.

Adopted a dog. And as a new parent decided that baby stroller parking should include doggie strollers, too.

Turned 48 and realized I do look better than a lot of my old friends so I stopped trolling Facebook for crow's feet and saddle bags.

So now that all of that is sorted out I suppose I have some time to kill so I'm back to indulging you with some musings that may be offensive but hey I'm 48 and premenopausal and therefore offensive.

See you in the red lipstick aisle.