Fred is Dead and So Are the Oldies

I have no specific plan for this entry but musings. Starting with…

Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is dying and who cares? This cro-magnum has ruined the funerals of countless veteran's families. Who wants to join me in protesting his funeral? I'll bring the"God Loves Fags and Hates Fred" signs.

L'Wren Scott, beautiful, and accomplished, commits suicide. Her life is reduced to "girlfriend of Mick Jagger." Not that I wouldn't mind that distinction but for Christ Sakes! She has a bit more going for her than a man known for shaking his money maker. And stop making song jokes. The woman obviously had more problems than a "19th Nervous Breakdown."

When did the oldies become eighties music? The kids in my spin class kept asking for an oldies class and I thought they meant Credence and The Turtles. No, they meant Huey Lewis, Duran Duran and Motley Crue. So my music is the "oldies?"

And while we are on the subject I just realized I am middle aged. Yep, I plan on living to be 96.

So I finally saw "The Notebook." Good God is that movie stupid. Except the part that I sobbed uncontrollably. I now have explicit instructions in my will to suffocate me with a pillow the first time I forget what I had for breakfast.

I'm on Team Woody. Yep, I am. Mia Farrow is a manipulating lunatic and I love "Radio Days." If Cate Blachett can speak out for Woody, so can I. Haters be hatin.

Apparently Angus T. Jones of Two and a Half Men fame hates the show and is a new found religious freak. Now he preaches the Gospel and ask people not to watch "filth." Hey Angus, Jesus called and said return all the cash you made playing a bratty fat kid.

Anyone else think the Malaysian plane was just boring old pilot error? I mean, if it's good enough for JFK Jr.?

That's all for now...

Been A Long Time (cue the Led Zepplin)

Where have I been, you say? You're so funny, what happened to your blog?

Well for one thing, I've been busy with the following:

Finding my perfect red lipstick.

Growing out the Keratin.

Looking up old friends on Facebook and deciding if I look old.

That took six months.

Then I had a LOT of ideas for blogs. Ideas I thought very funny. But when I ran these funny ideas by my confused Cuban/Puerto Rican husband, he gave me that "umyeahfunnybutoffensive" look. So here are some of those ideas just to give you a sample:

Baby stroller parking should be eliminated as having a baby is not a handicap but a choice.

If we give exile status to Venezuelans why can't Middle Easterners be granted it, too.

Protestants, we really shouldn't be commenting on the Pope, ok? We SPLIT from them.

Nick Saban is the antiChrist and therefore my Lord and Savior.

That took another six months.

Some exciting things took up my time and therefore kept me from my blog;

I eat all the carbohydrates I want because I gave up alcohol and amazingly stuffing my face with bread, candy, pasta, potatoes and almond croissants have helped me lose five pounds.

Adopted a dog. And as a new parent decided that baby stroller parking should include doggie strollers, too.

Turned 48 and realized I do look better than a lot of my old friends so I stopped trolling Facebook for crow's feet and saddle bags.

So now that all of that is sorted out I suppose I have some time to kill so I'm back to indulging you with some musings that may be offensive but hey I'm 48 and premenopausal and therefore offensive.

See you in the red lipstick aisle.