My Frugal Father

I like to look at the specials Groupon offers. Some of them I would be interested in--pedicures, travel and restaurants.

Other stuff--like chemical peels and house cleaners--seem a little personal.

Before Groupon there were plain old coupons. They were in your windshield, mailed to your house or in the newspaper.

We used one from the Yellow Pages to bury my dad.

My dad was super "frugal." Always turning lights off and keeping the house too hot. After spending a small fortune burying my mom, his mantra became "don't spend a lot on my funeral." Over and over again. For the remaining five years of his life he constantly told us funerals were a rip off, funeral directors weren't to be trusted and flowers just get thrown in the trash.

When he did die, the Confused Cuban/Puerto Rican and I trekked up to the Winter White part of Florida to console my brother and help with arrangements. On the four hour drive up, his admonition rang in my ears--spend as little as possible. I know the CC/PR remembered as well.

My dad had died during the night and now it was afternoon the next day. His body needed to be picked up from the hospital by a funeral home. Not knowing the Winter White area we had no idea who to call. So the CC/PR opened the Yellow Pages and scanned the advertisements. While my brother and I chatted we heard him ask "And how much off the cremation if we use the coupon?"

Huh?

The Yellow Pages advertisement included a coupon for cremation. And we apparently were the first to use it.

When we arrived at the crematorium, we brought a Publix plastic bag for his remains as he wanted his ashes taken to the Everglades. That started another issue--ashes must be delivered to the survivors in a legal "vessel." Meaning more money. We didn't need an urn, vase or expensive container.

So my dad's ashes were packed in a plastic lined cardboard box. Like we were going to mail him.

I hope we followed your wishes, dad.